Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
