I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
