i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need moral support for this bender
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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