Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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