i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
