Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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