Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
