in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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