At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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