I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
