i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
