You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
