You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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