I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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