Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
