I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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