you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
