If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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