You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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