you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
