She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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