You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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