college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
