using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
