so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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