I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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