When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
