Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
