Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
