I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
