after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
