it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
