sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Randomize
