I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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