Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wear drunk well.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
