did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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