what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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