I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
