I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
