Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
