OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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