She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
