If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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