I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
