like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
