it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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