Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
