this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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