She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
