Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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