nut hugger
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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