I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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