I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
