too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
