hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
