I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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