This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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