my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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