U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
