I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
