Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
