Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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