you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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