All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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