remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
