ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
