I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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