Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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