Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
