That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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