I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
